Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
