between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
