The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
