Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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