I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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