I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
