i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Randomize
