make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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