The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
