No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
