True but thats because hes a fetus.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
