the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
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