Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
