you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
