You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize