The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
