would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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