On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
