You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
