Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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