You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
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