The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
