yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
