oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
