Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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