So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
