He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
