i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I checked into jail on foursquare
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
