thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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