Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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