i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
