Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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