my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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