Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
