Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
