there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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