I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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