cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Randomize
