I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
