Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
