Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
