I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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