He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
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our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
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Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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