That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
