Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
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