I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
