Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
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I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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