Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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