Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
