We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I'm bleeding and have questions
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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