You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
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