Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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