we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
