ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
