I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize