Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Randomize
