i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
