I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
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