I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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