Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
