I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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