I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
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