I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
You were trust falling into bushes
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
