I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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