Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
