sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
